3 P’s vs. 3 R’s: A Self-Awareness/Self-Regulatory Tool to Help You Kick Off the New Year

What are your thoughts and feelings about the new year/new decade thus far?

 Ambition? Encouragement? Anticipation? Dread? Concern? Pressure?

 Hopefully, it is more of the former and less of the latter. Remember, pressure is when you perceive that something at stake is dependent on the outcome of your performance. Therefore, if you are feeling some pressure it’s often times the internal kind—“I should do ____”, “I need to ____”, “If I don’t _____”

What can you tell yourself instead to push back on this conflict type of self-talk?

Try challenging the belief that anything is at stake. More often, the conflict language you speak (out loud and inside your own head) is randomreactive, and restrictive (3 R’s). Therefore, from a self-awareness perspective, practice noticing the types of R3 thoughts you are having. Once you have practiced and developed this awareness, you can begin self-regulating by practicing deliberate thought management that includes translating your R3 thoughts to P3 thoughts–productivepossibility based, and purposeful (3 P’s).

 If you’ve yet to reflect on 2019, I recommend you do this before too much more of 2020 continues on…

Here is a categorical way I came up with last year to help guide and structure your reflection of the past year: http://www.equipped2evolve.com/reflecting-on-2018/ 

Performance Psychology 2.0 (Part 4): The Interplay Between Awareness, Regulation, and Reflection

In each of the first three parts of this series, we took aim at a distinct aspect of what’s commonly referred to collectively as “mindset”: self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-reflection. Now it’s time to wrap up our series by bringing these elements together. In this post, I’ll explain how you can combine these components to create a performance psychology approach that elevates your coaching craft and helps you better serve the athletes in your charge.

Self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-reflection are foundational. Once you understand them, they open a gateway to all the other mental skills and give them purpose and direction. By beginning to explore the foundational mental skills, you will start to discover which come naturally and perhaps one or two that require more time and attention to utilize effectively. This is akin to how you might consider the physical progression of your athletes. Say you’re looking at mobility, strength, and conditioning (just three examples – there are of course many others). All three could be thought of as distinct qualities that can be developed with focused effort, yet they all feed into each other and are interconnected. If you help your athletes improve their mobility, they’re likely to see some improvements in how they express their strength and conditioning. Yet for a while you might need to focus on this area more because that’s where the lowest hanging fruit is. It’s no different for the foundational mental skills.


Let’s briefly summarize each one in case you haven’t read the preceding pieces or need a recap. Self-awareness involves refining your knowledge of the tendencies you default to, particularly when you’re undergoing pressure. Doing so will help you to overcome any potential roadblocks or breakdowns that are holding you back from performance excellence. We can think of self-regulation as the ability to adapt our behaviors due to context specificity, intended outcomes, and the interplay between the two. Moving on to self-reflection, this is the process by which we consider why we might act a certain way and how our thoughts and feelings are influencing our behaviors. Or, if we’re reflecting on our athletes, why they might think and act in certain ways, and how they derive meaning from their experiences. 

Self-awareness provides insight. Self-regulation is what allows us to take appropriate action. And then self-reflection is the filtering process through which we make meaning out of what has occurred by assessing, evaluating, interpreting and then eventually organizing our thoughts and feelings in an integrated way.


During my master’s program, I was bombarded with a list of psychological skills (PST) that can be used to help athletes and coaches increase their performance. In this context, we can define PST as the systematic and consistent practice of mental techniques. PST often includes imagery/visualization, energy management (up-regulation/down-regulation), positive self-talk/reframing, goal setting, and concentration. Some lists are longer and add in confidence, centering, and motivation. All of these practices can prove useful in their own right, but the question of how to implement them cohesively often goes unaddressed. 

This brings us back to the three foundational mental skills: self-awareness, regulation, and reflection. I believe that any discussion about the other PSTs listed above is meaningless without understanding how they serve the foundational skills.

Moreover, I think it’s helpful to distill down the longer lists of five, seven, nine, or more PSTs into three main macro skills: motivation, concentration/meditation, and confidence. Let’s take a quick look at each and the micro-skills they’re comprised of: 

Motivation: Includes goal setting and related practices like defining your values, vision, purpose (in Simon Sinek’s language, your “why?”), ambition, and sense of self. 

Concentration/meditation: Includes narrow and broad focus, imagery, mental rehearsal, energy management (up-regulation/down-regulation), breath work, and centering. 

Confidence: Includes positive self-talk and cognitive reframing, 

Just as with the three main elements of self-awareness, regulation, and reflection unlock the three main categories of motivation, concentration/meditation, and confidence, these in turn open the door to each of the subskills listed. These also feed into each other, both within the buckets we defined and between them. For example, if you learn how to improve your focus, you will be become better at the meditative psychological skills. Similarly, if you can develop a strong sense of self, you’ll be more proficient at managing your self-talk. 

At the risk of all this being a little too esoteric, think of a deadlift, a snatch, and a clean. They’re different exercises, each with its own unique nuances. But essentially they’re all lower body driven, vertical pulling exercises, so performing one will naturally help your athletes become more skilled at the other two. What we’re talking about here is lateralization. Psychological skills have just as much transferability as physical ones. This means that you don’t have to worry about overwhelming yourself or your clients by giving them this long laundry list of to do items, as that will be too daunting. Instead, once you’ve begun regularly practicing self-awareness, regulation, and reflection, try adding in one or two subsets of the macro skills of motivation, concentration/meditation, or confidence. This could be based on your intended outcomes, troubleshooting a specific issue, or simply gravitating towards a micro-skill that sounds appealing. Then see where it leads you.


Now we’ve outlined three macro-skills, let’s examine how they relate back to the three foundational ones that we’ve spent most of this series exploring:


Motivation: It might be kind of cliché at this point, but this involves defining your “why?” What’s your ambition and what is driving you to fulfill it? Market Force Global, whose system I use for coaching my clients at Oak Park, defines ambition as, “knowing who you are and giving it,” as opposed to the more common definition—knowing what you want and getting it. This implies that there is a service component involved. You’re not just selfishly grabbing what you want, but doing things in service of others and a greater goal that is bigger than yourself. Actively being a part of something greater than myself is one of the main reasons I’m a coach. 

Concentration/Meditation: Using a meditative practice as a medium through which to better observe your own patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving. This could be done in a practice or competition context. This might also involve concentration from an imagery standpoint, in terms of the sort of mental time travel you’ll do to assess the past, present, and future. You have to glimpse back in the past to get an understanding of who you are now. Self-awareness of present sensations becomes really important in the process of regulating yourself to behave more optimally based on what you’re feeling in the moment. Then you can try to visualize a future that ties back to your confidence and motivation. What do you believe to be true? What would you like to believe to be true? And how does that relate to what you are driven to do and how you’re motivated to contribute?

Confidence: Mindset is a by-product of beliefs, focus, and attribution, so the big self-awareness component of confidence is taking some time to become more aware of your core beliefs. How do these influence how you think about yourself and think about what you want do, why you want to do it, and what’s most important to you?


Motivation: In the self-awareness section above, we talked about the need to define your “why,” i.e., as Simon Sinek wrote, “Start with Why.” In the context of self-regulation, you return to it again and again to keep yourself motivated, passionate, and purposeful. Put simply, you “return to why.”

Concentration/Meditation: By frequently coming back to your why, you can better direct your focus towards it. In self-awareness, concentration is mainly used for insight. When we come to self-regulation, it’s much more about adaptability and the need to zoom in and/or out as the situation demands. Dr. Andrew Huberman from Stanford has talked a lot recently about using vision (the sense, not the mental skill of visualizing) to manage concentration and arousal regulation. Do you have more of a wide gaze in which you’re utilizing panoramic vision, which will allow you to down-regulate? Or do you have a much narrower focal point of vision, which is going to much more likely up-regulate you? Toggling between the two requires you to be able to focus on physical cues like your breathing, perspiration, and muscle tension, as well as your thoughts and feelings. The ability to concentrate on sensations in the moment (self-awareness) is what will help you to achieve better self-regulation. 

Confidence: If we look at confidence through this lens, we’re going to hone in on the focal aspects. Your self-awareness is what’s tipping you off about where you’re at internally and what’s happening externally. This gives you guidance as to how you need to focus your thoughts, feelings, and behavior in order to best serve the outcome in which you’re trying to achieve. Self-talk is crucial in focusing your self-confidence on hitting this target. In the literature, there are two main branches. First, there’s motivational self-talk, which is more emotional, personal, and affirmation oriented. Then there’s technical self-talk, which is more focused on the task at hand and comes into play when you’re giving yourself cues to remember what will prompt better skill execution (called “swing thoughts” in golf). 

We can relate both kinds of self-talk to having a fixed or growth mindset. If you had the former, you tell yourself that you won’t be able to help a player because you’re terrible at coaching the jump shot in basketball. Whereas if you pursue a growth mindset, you’d admit that coaching the jump shot isn’t your greatest strength, but helping this player improve theirs is an opportunity for you to improve. Whether you go down a fixed or growth-oriented path mentally is directly related to how you’re contributing to your sense of confidence or, specifically, your sense of self efficacy and the belief in your ability to accomplish a certain goal.

Teamwork: Wait, what? Yep, I know I just snuck in a fourth macro mental skill here, but it’s an important one. According to, emotional intelligence expert Daniel Goleman, teamwork is where the rubber meets the road from a self-regulation standpoint. It’s all well and good to be able to regulate yourself in an individual sport, but it requires an additional level of understanding to do so in the context of your teammates. As a coach, this concept can impact you both among your fellow coaches, and when dealing with the teams you serve as a collective unit. In this setting, self-regulation evolves into relational management based on social awareness. As discussed in part 2, situation times behavior equals results (S x B = R). Therefore, how are you going to adapt your behaviors to better meet the situational needs of your athletes as it relates to that situation that they are currently facing in practice or in a competition scenario? And how will you regulate your behavior to best accomplish the goal that’s the highest priority for all of them?


Motivation: When viewing motivation through the lens of self-awareness I said to start with why. Then moving on to self-regulation, I suggested returning to that why. Now in self-reflection, I’m saying motivation comes down to revisiting your why. Once you’ve finished the event (practice, game, or whatever), this is an opportunity to revisit your why to calibrate where you’re at, assess your progress, and potentially make some course corrections, whether they’re general or more situationally specific. At a weightlifting meet, for example, this might need to happen very quickly if one of your athletes misses a lift, or the time for self-reflection might not occur until after the fact.  

Concentration/Meditation: The concentration aspect of self-reflection is similar to the self-awareness piece, in that your concentration should be more open and stream of consciousness. It’s a chance to  invest a little time and effort in the sort of deep, top-down organization of thoughts and feelings we discussed in part 3 of this series, in order to make sense of and glean insight from what’s just occurred. Journaling can be a useful practice, as can open-awareness meditation where you remain as open as possible to the influx of stimuli that you might pick up on (sounds, thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, etc.).

Confidence: As we talked about in part 3, this has to do with the attribution aspect of mindset. You can refer back to the Three Ps (the degree to which you’re considering an outcome to be permanent, pervasive, and/or personal) and how you make meaning out of what has occurred both emotionally/subjectively and objectively. Refining your ability to assess your skill level accurately will give you the right personal feedback to help with continual skill acquisition and provide an on-point sense of your efficacy in executing said skill(s).


I recently faced a challenge in my own training that forced me to use both the foundational skills of self-awareness, regulation, and reflection, and the macro skills of motivation, concentration/meditation, and confidence. Usually at Oak Park, our hill running sessions are competition-style, and the emphasis is on achieving the best possible time for a single completion of the course. But this time we switched the focus and made it two laps of the course. It wouldn’t make sense to use such a double max effort in a competition setting, but purposefully asking people to dig themselves into a hole and then climb back out of it (in this case, literally, given the incline) adds an element of mental toughness. 

Most people just immediately go into freak-out mode. “This is gonna be the hardest thing in the world! I’m going to die! I don’t even know how I’m going to push myself so hard on the first one, because now I’m already worried about the second one.” To check this, I decided to only think about the first lap, and then deal with the second only when it was time. This was a good exercise in concentration. From a confidence standpoint, I made myself believe that I could do it and instead of bemoaning how hard doubling up was going to be or how sore I’d be afterwards, I looked at it as a good challenge. Looking at it from a motivational perspective, I looked at my “why” of wanting to be a more capable and well-rounded athlete. 

Once the session was underway, my self-awareness kicked into overdrive. It felt like one shoe was loose so I had to decide whether or not to stop and retie it. I tried to block out such distractions and instead make the run somewhat meditative by focusing on my breathing. To keep my confidence high even as my legs and lungs were burning, I tried really hard to keep my self-talk positive. Eight minutes of running uphill at a pretty fast clip seemed like forever, and I was being bombarded by external stimuli. But fortunately, self-awareness, regulation, and reflection gave me a way to ration my mental energy and process my internal chatter, so I didn’t become overwhelmed or too cognitively fatigued. 

Which was just as well, given that this was just leg one of two. For this second part of the workout, I was aware that I was already pretty gassed, but also reminded myself that I’d resolved to put it all on the line to finish the first lap as quickly as possible. Self-regulation here became very specific to setting up a new objective. I told myself, “Hey, I accomplished the first one! But I don’t want to totally throw away the second one, and I still want to push myself as hard as possible.” Doing so meant taking stock of where I was at physically, mentally, and emotionally and then determining a reasonable pace for the remainder of the session. Such interplay between awareness, regulation and reflection didn’t just come into play as I was finishing the first go-round and beginning the second – it was constant. At one point I thought about concentrating on each foot strike, but realized that in a course of this length that would be too draining, and so I switched back to monitoring my breathing instead. I’d start to get a creeping feeling that I might not be able to finish, but had to dismiss this and tell myself I could push on. Managing this interior commentary was crucial to me finishing the second part of the run.


Now that we’ve come to the end of the series, I’d like you to take a step back and think about the foundational skills of self-awareness, regulation, and reflection, and the macro skills of motivation, concentration/meditation, and confidence, which they’re tied to. No matter which you’re best at or more aware of, there’s always room for improvement. Sometimes people who are really self-aware don’t do much with this awareness. Similarly, I see others who are really reflective, but not in a way that is helping them to improve their self-awareness or regulation. And sometimes somebody is highly adaptable and is able to self-regulate, but hasn’t put much thought into why. They’d do well to work on their self-awareness. 

All this is to say that developing these mental skills is an iterative process because they’re constantly influencing one another, and your environment is constantly changing. The more you raise the stakes, the more you’re going to learn about yourself and the greater the impact of putting this increased knowledge of self into practice. Which will then require you to reflect, make sense of what just happened, and find ways to continually improve your skillset going forward. 

Even the most experienced coaches, like Phil Jackson and Bill Belichick, have had to apply all three of the foundational mental skills to the differing context of each of their many championship runs. They’ve had to find new things to motivate them, concentrate on different elements, and remain confident in their objective. To be aware of every step of the process, self-regulate along the way to guide themselves and their teams to achieve their ultimate objective, and then to reflect on the experience to derive new meaning from it. Outside of their coaching prowess, communication skills, and all the other things that made them great coaches, it was such mental skills that laid the framework for consistent excellence, and can help you do the same, even if you never find yourself in the NBA Finals or the Super Bowl. There’s always another mountain to climb in the realm of performance, and therefore, new opportunities for these foundational skills to be refined and developed.

Emotions VS Feelings

Two weeks ago, I wrote about the importance of being equipped with the mental models and psychological vernacular that help you to more  objectively discern what you are experiencing and why. Remember, “if you can name it, you can tame it”. Specifically, in my last post, I wrote about distinguishing the difference between stress and pressure, so you are more capable of accurately labeling what is occurring to then more effectively deal with it.  

This week will follow suit but instead of stress and pressure, I’ll provide you with working definitions (these come from Dr. Marc Brackett and the people behind Mood Meter ) to distinguish between emotions, feelings, moods, and dispositions. 

  • EMOTIONS are short-lived responses to stimuli (either real or imagine) and cause shifts in cognition, physiology, expression, and behavior 
  • FEELINGS are the short-term, private experience of emotions. They are often more complex and can represent a mixture of several emotions at once. Love and shame are examples of feelings
  • MOODS are emotional states that may not have an identifiable cause, last longer in duration, and are less intense than the experience of a singular emotion.
  • DISPOSITION is a characteristic long-term pattern of emotion that becomes a baseline of where an individual “lives” emotionally. With planning and practice, it’s possible to change disposition by recognizing long-held tendencies and regulating towards more supportive emotional states.

Stress and Pressure… What’s the difference?

As a Mental Performance coach, one of my foundational approaches is to equip others with the mental models and psychological vernacular that helps them to more objectively discern what and why they are experiencing what they are experiencing. Put simply, “if you can name it, you can tame it”. Incorrect labeling and attributing of our thoughts and feelings is one of the surest ways in which our psychological experiences can become chaotic and out of hand. Using the terms stress and pressure interchangeably is an example of not being equipped with the mental models and psychological vernacular that would otherwise protect someone from the mental disarray and clutter that comes from the inability to discern the difference between experiencing stress versus experiencing pressure. 

Stress refers to the situation of too many demands and not enough resources–time, money, and energy–to meet them. 

    -Subjective feelings associated with stress: exhaustion, overwhelm

    -When experiencing stress, reduction is the goal. 

Pressure refers to a situation in which you perceive that something at stake is dependent on the outcome of your performance 

     -Subjective feelings associated with pressure: anxiety, fear, “do or die” sensation 

     -When experiencing pressure, success is the goal. 

Thinking you have to be successful all the time means you are under pressure all the time, and this is unsustainable. More importantly, if this is your default cognitive lens, you will NOT be able to optimally perform and are more likely to experience choking.

Now that you are aware of this distinction between stress and pressure, you can refine your awareness of what you initially might believe to be happening. Ask yourself what are you feeling and then determine if those feelings accurately align with the specificity of the situation you find yourself in, i.e., is anything really at stake? More often than not, what we are feeling is not pressure but stress, and stress is more manageable than pressure.

TAKE AWAY: You cannot regulate your thoughts and behaviors nor manage your emotions effectively if you do not have the mental models and psychological vernacular that support you to be more objectively self aware of what you are experiencing internally and why you are experiencing that. 

* If you want to learn more about this topic of stress versus pressure, I highly recommend checking out Dr. Weisinger’s Performing Under Pressure

Performance Psychology 2.0 (Part 3): Self-Refection

Previously in this Performance Psychology 2.0 series, we explored the applied training of self-awareness (deeply understanding what your own default coaching tendencies happen to be, especially when triggered by pressure). Additionally, in Part 2, we explored the applied training of self-regulation (the ability to adapt your behavior due to context-specificity, intended outcomes, and the interplay between the two). Put simply, self-awareness gives us insight, while self-regulation helps us to take appropriate action. In this third post in the series, we’re advancing to the final stage of our logical progression in performance psychology: self-reflection. This topic might conjure an image of Auguste Rodin’s statue The Thinker which is probably the most famous artistic manifestation of the concept. It also brings to mind the Latin phrase cogito, ergo sum, which René Descartes proposed in his book Discourse on the Method and is commonly translated as “I think, therefore I am.” 

Yet self-reflection doesn’t just apply to French sculptors or philosophers – it’s also a powerful tool for coaches, athletes, and anyone looking to improve their performance. Before we begin to look at how to apply self-reflection alongside the concepts previously discussed in this series, let’s first define it. Self-reflection is the filtering process through which you make meaning out of what has occurred by assessing, evaluating, interpreting, and then eventually organizing your thoughts and feelings in an integrative way.

Like breathing, self-reflection is happening all the time unconsciously. Our brains are wired to assign causality to make sense out of what you experience as a means of influencing your future behavior. However, it’s by bringing a higher degree of consciousness and intentionality to how we derive meaning from our experiences that we can increase the probability that we will have significant performance improvements. In As a Man Thinketh, James Allen says it best: “You will be what you WILL to be.” A self-reflection practice helps you to act with more agency. 

Carol Dweck’s work on mindset, specifically whether you have a fixed or growth-oriented one, can prove useful in framing any discussion on self-reflection. First, let’s be clear about what mindset is referring to: It’s a combination of what one believes, how one focuses on tasks, and how one attributes traits and causes to what one experiences. We’re going to concentrate primarily on the latter. At its essence, attribution is the filtering process of what has occurred. But while it does consider the past, attribution also looks to the future because how we think about a particular event, its outcomes, and what these circumstances say about ourselves has more impact on the next occurrence than we might assume. How you make meaning out of what has occurred is going to influence your beliefs and your focus during the next iteration of an experience

A growth mindset has more of a mastery orientation than a fixed mindset, and is more concerned about the long-term process than individual results along the way. Someone who is dedicated to the pursuit of mastery views each event as merely a blip in time, rather than the reflection of an infinite reality. In contrast, the fixed mindset can be thought of as more of an outcome or ego orientation, where it’s not about the journey as much as each event’s tangible results. Someone who has a mastery orientation would likely be pleased about their effort in spite of an undesirable outcome, whereas the person with an ego orientation would probably catastrophize a loss and view it as a negative referendum on their character and/or skill level. 

The former filters mistakes as opportunities to do better the next time and improve in the meantime,  while the latter tries to gloss over or ignore any flaws that came to light. Because they’re unwilling to draw attention to their deficiencies, they’re less likely to take risks that might reveal their shortcomings again during subsequent experiences, and they also don’t take the opportunity to improve their skillset. Meanwhile, the person pursuing mastery will not have such fears, will continue to take risks, and will resolve to relentlessly minimize their limiting factors by becoming more skilled and/or extending their work capacity. 

Problem Or Opportunity?

When you have a growth mindset, you consider setbacks as potential wake-up calls, sources of more information, and motivators. If you look at an objectively negative or less than ideal result as a way to gain greater feedback about your craft, then it leads right into self-efficacy, which we covered in the post on self-regulation. However, when you have a fixed mindset, you look at that same setback as a label. In this case, in every situation you’re desperately seeking reassurance about your character, skill level, and capability. And when the result isn’t what you’ve hoped for, it’s a threat, a defeat, or an indication that you’re unworthy. This is much different to the person with a growth mindset, who considers the event to be a worthy challenge and vows to be better prepared the next time. 

Think about the aftermath of a tough training session that leaves you huffing and puffing. Do you despair, curse your lack of conditioning, and question whether the effort was worth it? Or do you recognize that while it was a hard workout, it gave you the opportunity to test yourself and showed that you need further work on your cardiovascular fitness? If you’re a coach, do you avoid seeking out such positives and get defensive every time someone offers constructive criticism? Or are you open to your players, your athletes, and fellow coaches giving you feedback on your performance, and then go away and work on your weaknesses? Both are simple but telling examples that illustrate the difference in outlook between fixed and growth mindsets. 

Stability And Instability

Bernard Weiner was one of the pioneers of Attributional Theory. One of his key concepts involved stable and unstable causes for events and how we process these. Here’s a helpful graphical summary: 

StableAbility – I have the talentTask Difficulty – This is hard
UnstableEffort – I worked hardLuck – I got lucky

For our purposes in this article, the difference between a fixed and growth mindset comes into play when making an internally stable or unstable attribution. If someone is constantly seeing things from an internal stable perspective, he or she might always view their performance and potential as fixed. This means they’re unlikely to actively look for ways to improve. On the contrary, someone who has a growth mindset recognizes that results will inevitably fluctuate, acknowledges that competition is inherently chaotic, and tries to find clues for how to build their skillset no matter whether they win or lose. 

There are also two different ways to look at external stability and instability. The person with a growth mindset may identify external stability and recognize the need to work harder or smarter to create positive change. Whereas the individual with a fixed mindset might think that because the external conditions are never going to change, their goal is unachievable. If you’re quick to discount positives and merely believe you just got lucky, then your outlook is fixed. Conversely, if you celebrate your hard work and skill development before getting back to work, then your outlook is indicative of a growth mindset. Similarly, we need to consider how you view potential negatives. Are they an indictment of your character and confirmation that you’ll never be good enough, or merely acceptable bumps in the road that allow you to redouble your efforts? It’s all a matter of perspective. 

If you get to the point of throwing up your hands and saying, “What’s the point in even trying anymore?” it can lead to a feeling of learned helplessness that will inevitably become a self-fulfilling prophecy for your next event. If your mindset is fixed, you’re more likely to blame external factors like the weather, surface conditions, and refereeing decisions. But if you have a growth mindset, you take ownership of your mistakes, consider your effort level and preparations, and use the outcome as fuel to up your game. 

No Use Crying Over Spilled Nails

When evaluating your own attribution or explanatory style (or those of our athletes), context is a crucial component of finding better ways to make meaning from your experiences. This isn’t just a theoretical matter, but has a direct impact on your confidence, the technical aspects of your skillset, and how your beliefs impact your future performances.

In her book Mindset, Carol Dweck gives a great example of causality. Imagine you’re working on a home improvement project and spill a bucket of nails. Would you think, “Gosh, I’m so clumsy/such an idiot” or chuckle to yourself, think, “Oh well,” pick up the nails, and move on? The former is an indicator of a fixed mindset and someone who magnifies their flaws. They’re describing a trait rather than a state. In contrast, the latter demonstrates a growth mindset of a person who considers situations more objectively and responds with the appropriate action. Assigning causality might seem like an instinctive reaction, but it can actually be trained. So if you’re likely to consider yourself a clumsy idiot the next time you make a minor mistake, try to catch yourself, make no self-judgment, and just get on with putting those nails back in the bucket. The more you’re able to avoid confusing a temporary state for a permanent trait, the more you’ll be able to change a fixed mindset into a growth one

Locus of Control is another concept related to Attributional Theory that’s worth mentioning. First introduced by psychologist Julian Rotter in the mid-1950s, this concerns how responsive and controllable we view our environment to be. Being able to accurately identify what you can and cannot control is a critical piece of self-reflection. If you have a growth mindset, you’ll probably be better at distinguishing between the two, which will allow you to take ownership of those factors you can impact and not waste mental energy on the factors you can’t. A fixed mindset often confuses controllables and uncontrollables, and so is likely to make errors in attribution that not only distort their impressions of past events, but also negatively impact future ones. 

The Power of the Three Ps

So what are you supposed to do if you have trouble objectively assessing what has happened and often let your faulty assumptions set you up for failure? One of the simplest and most useful filters to deploy is the 3 Ps, which comes from Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology. Consider whether or not you’re considering the outcome of an experience to be:

Permanent –

Growth mindset: Recognizing that even if you lose, you’ve still got the skills you’ve worked hard to acquire.

Fixed mindset: Extrapolating a loss to the bigger picture – “It’ll always be this way, so why even try anymore?”


Growth mindset: Viewing your skills, mindset, and resilience as transferable to other areas of your life. Belief in transferability is a huge part of improving one’s self-efficacy. 

Fixed mindset: Seeing one defeat as confirmation that you’re a loser not just in sports, but in everything.


Growth mindset: The opportunity to celebrate your unique skillset, the work that you put in, and the way you view the world.

Fixed mindset: Over-personalizing a loss, believing that things are always your fault, and catastrophizing.

The 3 Ps explanatory styles can help you more objectively and accurately assess your past experiences, which in turn has a positive knock-on effect. A study conducted by Jordan Peterson and Victor Swift and published in PLOS One investigated the impact of false negative feedback on how participants performed their next task, and they found that undue negativity was directly related to higher levels of anxiety, lower expectations, and poorer achievement. How we reflect impacts how we act through either positive or negative feedback loops. If you consider permanence, pervasiveness, and personalization through a constructive lens, then a breakdown can actually become a breakthrough – but only if you let it.

There’s an ongoing interaction between our beliefs, and how we assign causality to our experiences that affects our actions and beliefs during the next go-round. It sometimes isn’t enough to merely have a positive outlook and growth mindset from the get-go – we need to work at rigorously protecting these and maintaining a mastery orientation. Say you started out with such a posture and focused on your next competition in a task-centric way. Then, for whatever reason, you didn’t achieve the results you’d hoped for. This will likely shake your beliefs to their core, and prevent you from having a growth mindset going forward. Then you have another poor performance, and reinforce a more negative and fixed mindset, as well as lowering your future expectations of success. My point here is that every moment of self-reflection matters because it feeds into either positive or negative loops that then self-perpetuate for good or ill. 

Bottom-Up and Top-Down Thinking

Daniel Kahneman is another psychologist whose work is relevant to self-reflection. In his book Thinking, Fast and Slowhe looks at the neuroscience of two different modes and speeds of thinking. The faster, more involuntary, automatic, and impulsive modes occur in the sub-cortical regions of the brain, and can also be referred to as “bottom-up” functions. The slower, more effortful, deliberative, and ruminative modes occur in the cerebral brain regions and can be thought of as “top-down” functions. Bottom-up thinking is vitally important during competition, when stimuli are bombarding you at such a rapid rate that you don’t have time to ponder your reaction. During practice you will have a greater opportunity to consider your response a bit more carefully as you engage in deep learning. 

Self-reflection comes into play here because when you set aside time to think slowly and assign meaning to events, such analysis is less likely to begin when you least want it to – i.e. when you’re in the heat of competition. Bottom-up processing is what’s needed to tap into intuitive flow and the unhindered execution of behavior that is required for peak performance. Yet if you are living most of your life in this way, you can get stuck in a fixed mindset and can be much more pessimistically swayed in an explanatory style of attribution. Your perception is largely based on bottom-up mental models, and if you don’t challenge your immediate assumptions, consider your instinctive reactions and the resulting emotions in depth, and develop more organized ways of understanding how the brain is making meaning, then you really don’t have an entryway to improving performance.

Deliberate self-reflection is the manner in which you improve upon these bottom-up processes and also build a more communicative bridge between the top-down and bottom-up modes of thought, feelings, and, ultimately, behavior. The book Opening Up by Writing It Down by James Pennebaker and Joshua Smyth gives you an easy way to incorporate meaningful self-reflection into your daily routine: journaling. “An efficient way to understand something is to translate it into words,” Pennebaker and Smyth write. “Our constant rumination, which is inevitable, is using up mental resources. The act of disclosure forces a rethinking of events, and it allows us to understand and assimilate that event in a more integrated way.” 

Simply spending five to 10 minutes a day considering events and looking at them with the 3 Ps filter can go a long way to becoming more self-aware and self-regulating your thought life and the actions and habits it drives more effectively. Also consider experiences in a reflective manner through the questions of what was good, what could have been better, and then (behaviorally), how would I go about making those things better? 

Remember, whether you want to or not, you’re reflecting and assigning causality, meaning, and significance to every experience. You can either let it happen in more of a bottom-up way that can be detrimental to your thinking and future performance, or take ownership over it with intentional self-reflection, and use it in your favor.

Performance Psychology 2.0 (Part 2): Self-Regulation

In last month’s post, we examined the need to start any elevation of your mental game with greater self-awareness. Once you’re more cognizant of your behavioral tendencies and how they either progress you toward or block you from achieving your goals, what’s next? Knowing how to better regulate yourself so you do more of the former and less of the latter, for your sake and the good of your athletes.

Self-awareness gives us insight, while self-regulation helps us take appropriate action.

Awareness of self is essential if high performance is important to you. Yet it’s only as valuable as the changes you’re willing to make in service of the outcome you seek.

We can define self-regulation as the ability to adapt human behavior due to context-specificity, intended outcomes, and the interplay between these two. As I often tell my students at Oak Park, situation x behavior = results.

Practice vs. Competition

The outcomes you want from practice and competition are rarely the same because contextually they are in service of different results.

Why do we practice? Most importantly, we do it in service of learning. Whereas the purpose of competition is to test ourselves against a previous version of ourselves or others. The behaviors that support a result in which learning is the highest priority are often going to be different from the behaviors that support testing our current level of ability.

Sports psychology is most often thought about in terms of someone who performs well in practice but consistently falls flat during games. This example points to how behaviors that serve well in one context may no longer be sufficient to do the same in a different context. To help people be their best, you have to guide athletes on how to adapt their behaviors and either indulge or suppress their natural tendencies accordingly.

One way in which you guide behavioral adaptation is by example, like adjusting your own behaviors depending on whether you are coaching during practice or competition. For example, during practice, I will provide a lot more feedback on someone’s efforts (“how to” guidance) to support the learning process. Whereas, during competition, I will provide more instruction than feedback (“what” guidance) to support the athlete accomplishing the task at hand without them getting bogged down in over-thinking.

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Two behavioral approaches worth taking a closer look at as they relate to situational specificity are the behaviors of analysis versus the behaviors of intuition.

  • When we’re in analytical mode, we have narrower bandwidth of focus and are concentrating on one or two measurables, prioritizing precision.
  • Whereas when we’re behaving more intuitively, our bandwidth becomes broader and we’re acting in a more spontaneous and improvisational manner.

While there are times that practice is intuitive, it leans toward the analytical side more often than not. In such a situation, we’re usually more risk averse and are trying to control the variables more tightly. Come game time, we’re usually more likely to take risks and express our skills in unexpected ways, as we problem-solve in real time and function in the dynamic chaos of competition.

The transition from practice to competition could be likened to an open ocean swimmer who does most of her training in a pool. She’s honing necessary skills and work capacity with endless laps, but when she gets out in the ocean, it’s an open, uncontrolled environment in which she must adapt in real-time to the tide, chop, and weather.

Another way to think of this contrast is that analysis is more like solving a puzzle using existing information to put the pieces together. Whereas intuition is analogous to solving a mystery where your clues present themselves randomly and a lot is unknown (like Benedict Cumberbatch’s cases in Sherlock).

People tend to prefer the nature of either practice or competition based on their behavioral tendencies. Those who have a greater inclination toward competition but disdain practice (think: Allen Iverson) often do well for a time but then plateau because they’re unwilling to continue developing their skills away from the court. Whereas those who favor practice can sometimes have trouble with the chaotic, pressure-cooker environment that competition puts them in.

Both groups can learn to modulate their default behaviors to thrive in practice and games alike.

4 Steps to Better Self-Regulation

How many times do we say to others or ourselves, “That’s just the way I am”? While we can’t deny that we have certain predilections, such talk can be very self-limiting and defeating. Our nature is a real thing, yet as human beings bestowed with the power of rational thought and agency, we have more say in how we act and perform than the confining narratives we construct might have us believe.


1. Awareness 

This is the necessary first step that we outlined in part one of this series. But becoming more self-aware isn’t much use in isolation. It’s all very well to be able to assess ourselves and the situations that we find ourselves in, but we need to then learn how and when to adapt our behaviors.

2. Willingness

In his book Who Are You Reallypsychologist Dr. Brian Little describes self-monitoring as a trait that can be trained just as much as any physical skill. When we start to think about willingness to modify our actions in response to context and desired outcome, what we’re talking about is the balance between retaining fidelity to one’s self and adapting to the demands of any given situation like a chameleon.

3. Regulation

This is the act of adapting your behaviors in real time to best serve the result(s) you seek while considering the context of the situation.

4. Authenticity

Claiming that we’re this kind of person or that kind of player is often our attempt at being authentic and true to who we really are. On the contrary, Little says in his TED Talk, “Authenticity is not a singular thing. In fact, there are multiple ways to be authentic with flexible strategies for engaging ourselves and the world.” Altering your behavior to perform better in the moment isn’t selling out or being disingenuous – it’s pragmatism based on greater self-awareness and self-control, and often serves us better than if we just defaulted to the actions that come most naturally.

Me, My Environment, And I

Another self-regulation consideration is how to reconcile our own tendencies with the influence of the world we find ourselves in. I am going to refer to Dr. Little’s categorization of biogenic, sociogenic, and idiogenic factors to map the terrain of self-regulatory options.

  • Biogenic factors refer to one’s genetics and the associative personality traits, deeper levels of wiring and “doing what comes naturally.”
  • Sociogenic elements acknowledge social norms, societal conventions, and real or imagined expectations of others. In the case of the latter, a female coach might feel pressure to behave or communicate in a certain way that goes against her inbuilt tendencies. How she chooses to reconcile this disparity will largely determine her actions and self-regulatory modulation.
  • Then there are idiogenic elements. These revolve around what’s truly important to you, your values, and your short-term and long-term goals. Sometimes we can self-regulate so that we behave in a way that appears to defy what society expects and how we’d usually act, but doing so is the right course because it aligns with our ambition and sense of purpose.

We cannot discount biogenics, sociogenics, or ideogenics, but neither should we consider ourselves to be prisoners of their influence. Self-regulation involves being aware of all three, and then choosing (and it almost always is a conscious choice) how best to behave given the context.

Such adaptations require physical, cognitive, and emotional energy, so we do not have an infinite capacity to self-regulate in a way that goes against biogenics, sociogenics, and/or ideogenics all day, every day.

Think of a rubber band. It can stretch a bit and to a certain point, this provides elastic energy. But beyond this, the band will start to fray and eventually snap. Consequently, we must carefully pick and choose when and how to self-regulate in service of the situation, the intended result based on the situation, and the individual needs of our athletes.

Confidence, Agency…and Marshmallows


Psychologist Dr. Albert Bandura is best known for coming up with the social cognitive theory, which involves the interplay between self-efficacy (belief in one’s ability to achieve a specific goal, AKA: confidence) and self-regulation. Bandura’s research showed that people are not machines that merely react to a stimulus, but, rather, sentient human beings who can cognitively filter and interpret our environment and, based on such interpretations, take ownership of our resulting response.

Reciprocal determinism (interplay between personal and environmental factors) is another component of Bandura’s social cognitive theory, which helped to bridge the gap between cognition and behavior, two areas of study that had previously been siloed. Another pioneer during this time was Dr. Walter Mischel. He was best known for an experiment that offered children one marshmallow now or two later. He then correlated the desire for either immediate or delayed gratification with success later in life.

In reading about this study, many people have made the mistake of believing that it implies that we always default to our natural tendencies, and that these are fixed from birth. But Mischel actually concluded that people are fundamentally flexible.

“What my life has been about is in showing the potential for human beings, to not be the victims of their biographies — not their biological biographies, not their social biographies,” he wrote in his 2014 book, The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-Control. “And to show, in great detail, the many ways in which people can change what they become and how they think.”

Another psychologist, Dr. Stanley Milgram (famous for the study in which participants were ordered to deliver a shock to a person they couldn’t see but could hear) has been cited as saying something similar to both Bandura and Mischel: “People can use their wonderful brains to think differently about situations, to reframe them, to reconstrue them, to even reconstrue themselves.”

Self-Regulation and The DISC Method

We’ve explored some theoretical ways to think about self-awareness and self-regulation. To get a more objective view of yourself, your fellow coaches, and your athletes, you could undergo a formalized assessment.

At Oak Park, I’ve found the DISC Method to be particularly useful in this regard (I administer Athlete Assessments’ version of DISC). It was first proposed by William Marston in his book Emotions of Normal People in 1927. Industrial psychologist Walter Vernon took Marston’s concepts and developed them into a potent behavioral assessment tool that became popular in workplace culture in the 1950s and is still widely used today.

The acronym DISC has four main categories:

  1. Dominance – How directly you approach challenges and assert yourself
  2. Influence – How you communicate with people and facilitate social interactions
  3. Steadiness – Pace at which you act, how supportive you are, and the degree to which you actively listen to others
  4. Conscientiousness – How analytical you are and the degree to which you follow rules, systems, and processes.

The DISC assessment is useful for determining how we’re likely to act and can go a long way to developing better self-awareness. This in turn can help you self-regulate more appropriately given your increased knowledge of self and greater understanding of how your defaults either jive with or contradict the needs of specific situations and intended results.

However, as discussed above, the tendencies that a DISC assessment reveals are not set in stone. In fact, they’re malleable and you have the power to control how you speak and act. Even if you’re a “high” D, I, S, or C – meaning that you lean this way more often than not – self-regulation is all about balancing the four sets of tendencies so your behavior best fits the outcome you’re aiming for.


Remember the Titans

One of the most powerful and vivid portrayals of self-regulation that I can recall is found in the film Remember the Titans.

When Coach Bill Yoast (played by Will Patton) is passed over for the head coaching job at T.C. Williams High School, he’s resentful of the man he believes took the role that was rightfully his, Coach Herman Boone (played by Denzel Washington). The school’s administrators and boosters – some of them fueled by racism – agree, and conspire with a referee to fix a game so the team loses. That way, they figure, Boone will be fired and Yoast can take over as head coach. At first, Yoast is content to go along – after all, he covets the job and still feels hard done by. But at a certain point, he can’t stand idly by and let the deception continue. So, he tells the ref to knock it off and rallies his players to stage a dramatic comeback.

This scene showcases two very different behavioral styles – the dominant Boone is a classic “high D” in the DISC Model and thus primarily behaves in aggressive, direct, blunt, and goal-oriented (as opposed to people-focused) ways. In contrast, Yoast is a “high S” who’s so supportive of his players that Boone accuses him of coddling them. Though this means they complement each other very well in some ways, it can also cause conflict.

In the case of the pivotal incident in the movie, Yoast is reluctant to speak up because he is more naturally inclined to be non-confrontational and doesn’t want to rock the boat. But he realizes the injustice of the conspiracy against Boone who, for all their differences, he has come to begrudgingly admire. Yoast also recognizes it’s in the best interests of the team and his players to win this game and have a successful season. Therefore, Yoast regulates his behaviors in opposition of his biogenic and sociogenic (what the boosters and administrators wanted) factors by adapting from his natural tendencies of behaving higher in Steadiness to behaving higher in Dominance in order to influence the result of the game. In doing so, he helps Coach Boone keep his job.

You might never get a movie made about your coaching exploits. But nonetheless, you have the opportunity to follow Coach Yoast’s example in how you self-regulate in response to your growing self-awareness. In doing so, you will not only advance your own coaching craft, but also become a better servant-leader to your coaching colleagues and athletes. 

Performance Psychology 2.0 (Part 1): Beginning Your Mindset Overhaul with Self-Awareness

In the world of sports performance, when advancing the art of coaching, it’s all too tempting to become mired in the minutiae of physical training. After all, the most evident outcomes for our athletes are those that we can observe with the naked eye, and many of the results our athletes seek are tied to how they express their physicality. This means that, too often, training the cognitive, emotional, and behavioral aspects of one’s psychology gets shortchanged.

Michael Gervais, performance and sports psychologist, is fond of saying there are only three main categories of skills that can be trained:

  1. The physical
  2. The specificity of one’s craft
  3. The mental 

In real time, there is no separating these three. However, in practice, it is our job as coaches to create artificial separations between categories of skills to help our athletes improve upon that which is less developed.

There is no question that mental attributes will be cultivated through a physical practice, especially physical tasks that test one’s will to endure in spite of the onset of fatigue. But do not confuse this with mental training. It does have a cognitive element, but the core focus isn’t on mental. To underscore this point more clearly, I am going to use the macronutrients carbohydrates, protein, and fat as a metaphor.

For example, the average egg is classified as a protein source, not because it has zero carbs and zero fat, but because its weight in grams is mostly comprised of protein. Similarly, as a coach, you need to be clear with yourself and your athletes which domain is the primary focus of training.

The same holds true when you break down the subcategories within each domain. For example, physical training can take the form of being more strength focused, conditioning focused, or mobility focused. Within the skill of Muay Thai, the craft-specific work can be more punching, kicking, elbows, knees, or clinch focused. Similar to the subcategories of physical fitness and the craft specificity of Muay Thai, the mental domain can also be understood through separate subcategories of skill development.

Over the next four posts, we’re going to thoroughly explore a framework that will bring clarity to how you can help yourself and your athletes directly train mental skills. We’ll give it the working title of Performance Psychology 2.0.


Like with nutrition, if I advise you to eat more fat, I have to also help you understand which foods are primarily high in fat. As such, what are the metaphorical foods to digest and absorb in order to fill up on mental skills? Just like carbohydrates, protein, and fat, there are three main categories of mental skills development:

  1. Self-awareness
  2. Self-regulation
  3. Self-reflection

In part two, I will address self-regulation, which enables you to adapt your behaviors to better align with the stated goals and intentions. In part three, I will tackle self-reflection, which empowers you to derive meaning from your past experiences and use this insight to improve future performance opportunities. In part four, I will address self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-reflection working in conjunction with one another.

Before we rush headlong into these concepts, we must back up and start with the initial category of this logical progression that underpins the other two: self-awareness.

With the widespread popularity of yoga and the ever-increasing propagation of mindfulness and meditation, this has become something of a loaded term. But let’s dispel any “woo-woo” connotations that we might attach to self-awareness. This series is not going to be all squishy, I promise.

The way I want you to think about self-awareness is in the context of your behavior both as an athlete and a coach. While athletes’ behaviors are important and highly relevant, you first need to better understand your own behavioral tendencies and how these impact the communication, teaching, and learning that you facilitate.

In turn, your preferred instructional style and default habits impact the quality of your athletes’ experiences, their outputs, and whether they achieve what they set out to. This is directly tied to their overall health and wellness, the vitality of your business, and your job satisfaction.

You can impact everything I just listed here and more by simply increasing your own self-awareness. As Mark E. Young writes in his brilliant book Learning the Art of Helping“The journey of learning the art of helping others is a personal one, requiring you to know yourself.” When you know yourself more deeply and understand how you’re likely to act in any given situation, you can better gauge whether you’re hitting the target or missing the mark more often than not. And if it’s the latter, begin to develop some strategies to correct your course while still staying true to who you are.

Under Pressure


Performance psychology can be defined as, “The study and application of the psychological principles of human performance in order to help people consistently perform in the upper ranges of their capabilities and more thoroughly enjoy the process,” (Portenga, Aoyagi, and Cohen, 2017).

What gets in the way of humans consistently performing in the upper ranges of their capabilities and more thoroughly enjoying the process?

The answer: pressure and the inability to thrive under it, as opposed to just survive. When we start to consider how we’re likely to act, it’s important to remember that our behavior doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Sure, there might be those sessions in which you know all of your athletes well, have all your preferred equipment on hand, are coaching a workout you’ve run many times before, and you’re not under scrutiny.

But we all know it often doesn’t play out this way. Maybe your boss or a new head coach for the football team is watching you like a hawk. Or perhaps there are a few clients who you don’t know as well or at all. You might be pinch hitting for a fellow coach because they’re sick or at a kid’s school event, and thus, you might not know anyone you are about to coach. Perhaps another group is using some of the gear, or you’re visiting another gym that doesn’t have the same stuff you have access to at your own place.

In all of these examples, your behavior might be different than if you were operating in an ideal, pressure-free situation in which you had plenty of information on the clients you were about to instruct and all the equipment you desired at your fingertips.

Gilbert Enoka, the mental skills coach for the New Zealand All Blacks, defines pressure as experiencing internal feelings of scrutiny, consequence, or expectation (sometimes, all three at once). Becoming cognizant of how such pressures – be they real or perceived – alter our actions is a key part of becoming a more self-aware coach.

Remember also to consider if and how you are triggered by pressure differently when you are behaving as an athlete. In both contexts, what do you default to and how do external factors manifest themselves on you internally? And from there, is how you act while bearing the burdens of scrutiny, consequence, and expectation beneficial or detrimental to your success and that of your athletes? These are not easy questions to answer, but the very act of asking them in the first place can go a long way to improving your self-awareness.

Your Actions vs. Your Athletes’ Expectations


Sometimes you can become a victim of your own success. If your natural modus operandi has proved to be effective with some clients in the past, then it’s easy to form the impression that the way you do things will work for everyone (particularly if your athletes or teams have won championships and medals).

Similarly, just because your default tendency when you feel pressure while performing is to behave more aggressively, do not assume that this is the same tendency of all your athletes. Such assumptions, while common because of the “treat others the way you want to be treated” projection, run the risk of limiting you to only being able to affect change for people who think, feel, and act like you.

This isn’t to say that you’re doing everything wrong – it just means that you might be self-limiting your positive impact because you’ve become stuck in your ways and aren’t willing to meet your athletes where they are.

Allow me to share a case study from a volleyball team I worked with as their mental skills coach.

The head volleyball coach had been a great player in her own right and expected a lot from her players. She was very direct, blunt, and dominant, and wanted to see quick results. In contrast, most of her players tended to have a softer, quieter demeanor and took a more gradual approach to learning. This created a delta in expectations, communication, and how outcomes were appraised. The coach was often frustrated because the girls weren’t getting better at taking risks during game time. The way she expressed her frustration left many on the team feeling brow-beaten and demoralized.

She wasn’t a bad coach by any means, but while her intensity and demand for rapid progress might have worked well for a few players, they limited the development of the majority of her squad.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have the knowledge back then that I do now, so while I made some of these observations at the time, I didn’t possess the know-how to make the correct intervention.

This would’ve started by sitting down with the coach and pointing out the difference in styles, tendencies, and concerns/needs when triggered by pressure between her and the athletes of the team. Then I would have explained why this mattered – because the delta was not only limiting results on the court, but also leaving a lot of the girls feeling guilty. The coach believed they were unwilling to take risks, when, in reality, none of them were unwilling – they were unable. Because taking risks was more of a default behavior for the coach, particularly as a former Division 1 college volleyball player herself, she misjudged her athletes.


For the majority of the players on the team, taking risks was a skill to be developed within the category of self-regulation. Coaching others in the self-regulatory skill of risk-taking is contingent upon understanding their natural tendencies and the default ways in which they appraise and feel about risk.

The head coach missed the opportunity to understand the potential mismatch between her natural tendencies of behavior and thus projected expectations (i.e. self-awareness) versus her players’ tendencies.

Holding up a Mirror

Quite often, we have similar blind spots in our coaching game. It can take us asking a fellow coach or outsider for their honest opinion to illuminate these and offer suggestions on what we can do differently. Then we can use our newly-enhanced self-awareness to better self-regulate.

Another way to shine a light on areas of possible improvement is to take a DISC and/or Market Force (an organization that provides human dynamics tools) behavioral assessment.

At the gym where I coach, Oak Park, owner Kenny Kane puts a high premium on developing his coaching craft and that of the rest of the team. Because of this core value of constantly growing our coaching abilities, I have administered both DISC (from the company Athlete Assessments) and Market Force Styles Indicators for myself, Kenny, and the rest of the team.

These have shown us how we’re likely to behave. Equipped with this objective information, we then looked at our member base to see where the gaps, disparities, and conflicts might be between what our clients want/expect and what we actually deliver. Next we applied self-regulating strategies to close the distance.

When it comes to developing your own self-awareness, you only know what you know, and we all have misconceptions about ourselves. That’s why such quantitative assessments and honest qualitative appraisals from others are so important – they provide the kind of clarity it’s almost impossible to obtain alone.


Burt Giges, an OG in the field of sports/performance psychology, has a very succinct way of talking about the practical application of investing in the mental skill of self-awareness. The following is what he refers to as “The Alphabet of Change” to simplify the steps needed to positively alter habits (self-regulation). Can you guess what the letter A stands for?

A – Awareness before…

B – Behavior…

C – Creates a choice for a…

D – Decision to apply…

E – Effort and…

F – Focus on a…

G – Goal

Again, better coaching of others begins with awareness of self. Once you know yourself and how you’re likely to behave, you’ll be in a much better position to apply your expertise and help the athletes who depend on you.

Intentional Sustainable Growth: Autonomy (Part 2)

This blog is part 2 of a larger post on the ingredients for cultivating and practicing intentional, sustainable growth: 

  • Autonomy: Freedom to be who you are
  • Purpose: Utilizing your autonomy in service of your WHY
  • Context: Acknowledgement of needing to adjust your behaviors given environmental specificity 
  • Mindset: Attitudinal willingness to adapt
  • Adaptability: Ability to adapt given what best fits the specifics of context. 

In this post, I am going to discuss the concept of autonomy more deeply. 

Autonomy refers to the idea that people need to feel willingly engaged in their behaviors and feel a sense of ownership over their actions. In essence, people need to feel like they have a say in what they do and that their perspective and their feelings actually matter to others. Put more simply (as listed above), autonomy is the freedom to be who you are. This is in contrast to behaving in response to external/internal pressure (external: behaving in order to achieve a reward or avoid punishment), (internal: I “should” or I “have to” to maintain self-worth or avoid feeling guilty). 

The practical application and full expression of this can be seen as represented with these four domains of autonomy: 

  • Self Respect: Becoming clear (intent) about who you are 
  • Self Esteem: Becoming content (mood) with who you are
  • Self Responsibility: Behaving in accordance (alliance) with who you are
  • Self Confidence: The feedback (calibration) you get from your environment about how you behave. 

Remember, in the gym, your growth is contingent upon you taking ownership over your experience. Taking ownership over your experience assumes you are thinking about and engaging in conversations with your coach about what motivates you, why you are motivated by the things you mention, and how you are behaving to actualize your motivations. What is written on whiteboard is not meant to put pressure on you but to be a tool to help you on your unique journey of intentional, sustainable growth. The manner in which you utilize that tool depends on you. Well, who are you… really

Nutrition Principals

It’s easy to get lost in the weeds about this diet or that diet, macro nutrient, and/or calorie counting. Hence, I always appreciate big picture guidance that underscores principles, as opposed to methods. Here is a version of nutrition principles that is included as a part of Performance Psychologist Michael Gervais’ and Seattle Seahawks Coach Pete Carroll’s Finding Your Best online course:  

Eat colorful foods:  

• Eating whole foods in a variety of colors gives us the best chance to obtain balanced nutrition.  

• Aim for 5 different colors on your plate at each of your major meals.

Consume lean protein:

• Protein is essential as it helps build muscle mass, which enhances our metabolism.

• Examples of lean protein include but are not limited to grass fed beef, chicken, wild caught fish, edamame, chickpeas and eggs.

Enjoy healthy fats:

• Healthy fats, in particular those which contain Omega 3’s and monounsaturated fat, are foundational for brain and heart functioning. They also help us stay satiated longer, as they take longer to digest, especially when combined with lean protein and low-glycemic foods such as non-starchy vegetables and beans.

• Healthy fats can be found in certain oils, such as olive and coconut oil, fish such as tuna and salmon, avocados, nuts (e.g.: almonds and walnuts) and seeds like flaxseed and chia.

Other helpful behaviors:

• Start your day with a large glass of water.  

• Watch less TV. The sights, memories, emotions and thoughts that are provoked while watching TV or being exposed to commercials can signal our brain and influence how much and what we want to eat.

• Stop counting calories. Eat more of the right foods.  

• Be mindful of how your body responds to the food and liquid you consume. Practice a short mindfulness body-scan meditation to tune into signals of hunger and fullness.

• Slow down your eating. It takes 20 minutes for the brain to compute satiety.

• Cut back on added sugar and refined/processed carbohydrates such as those found in anything packaged, e.g., cereal, chips, breads, pasta, cookies, soda, etc. 

• It’s natural for you to have cravings. Here’s a good mindful strategy for dealing with them: Pause and notice them, think about where they are coming from, choose how you want to respond.

• Have a plan when eating out. Here are a few suggestions: 1) share a meal, 2) have the server box up half of the meal and bring it at the end to take home, 3) order two small appetizers instead one large meal, giving yourself an option for some lean protein and colorful vegetables, 4) when eating salad look for something with lean protein, nutritious add-ons such as mushrooms or artichokes that are high in fiber, and plain (not candied) nuts. Opt-in to whole fat salad dressing. Studies have found that we absorb more nutrients from vegetables and fruits when paired with fat.

• Change your language around food. Rather than the deprivation mindset e.g. “I can’t eat that…” try, “I don’t eat that…” Research has found this feels more in alignment with self-control.

Intentional, Sustainable Growth: Ingredients for Cultivating and Practicing (Part 1)

Change is an inevitable function of time. Whereas, GROWTH requires intentional, deliberate behavior. Growth over the long term (intentional, sustainable growth) requires even more of the proper stacking of these five ingredients: 

  • Autonomy: Freedom to be who you are
  • Purpose: Utilizing your autonomy in service of your WHY
  • Context: Acknowledgement of needing to adjust your behaviors given environmental specificity 
  • Mindset: Attitudinal willingness to adapt
  • Adaptability: Ability to adapt given what best fits the specifics of context. 

(In part 2, I’ll dive deeper into the concept of autonomy)